Lost
by Becca-Loves-Yuge
Summary: Anzu and Atem's thoughts and feelings after the Ceremonial Battle. Warning! Anzu's is a little dark. Vanish.
1. Anzu

Hey there! Just another short one-shot, drabble. It's Anzu's thoughts and feelings after Atem left. I own nothing.

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><p>Have you ever lost anything? Like…really lost something. Not you can't find your cell phone or your favorite shirt. But, lost a piece of yourself?<p>

I have. I lost the other piece of my soul. My soul mate.

He tried to tell us all that it was better this way. I tried to stop him, but Jounouchi stopped me. He just didn't understand. None of them did.

They don't lie awake at night with tears silently pouring down their face. They didn't scream and carry on like a crazy person when he left. They just…went on with there lives.

They pretended like he had never existed. They went on with their lives. Closed that chapter of that story of their lives. They were ready to move on. Ready to be normal and not having to save the world every time they turned around.

Even Yuugi was able to pick up the pieces and move on. Rebecca slowly took Atem's place in his heart. Yes, I'm sure that Yuugi still misses him and thinks about him, because how could he not? After everything they had been through?

But that doesn't change the fact that he has Rebecca. Rebecca was able to help Yuugi through his depression. With someone with him always, the pain never had a chance to fully grow and quickly died away.

I, on the other hand, had no one. The depression grew inside me like fire after someone throws gasoline on it. The embers sparked when Yuugi defeated Atem. The fire burned when Atem said his farewells. And the fire grew when the doors closed, forever taking Atem from me. And when I was alone that night…the fire raged.

Did he just expect us to go on with our lives after he left? I know the others did, but did he expect me too? We were in love. We never actually said the words, but I knew and he knew. In the beginning, he was always quickest to take over when I was in danger. Later, when Yuugi set us up on that date, he stepped forward to defend my honor from Johnny Steps like the knight in shining armor he was. And then, when we had all that time alone together on our different adventures, we became closer.

And when it was decided that Atem had to leave now that his mission had been fulfilled, I had shut down. I had spent so much time worrying about getting from one mission to the next, that I had never stopped to think about what would happen when the world was finally saved. It had always seemed that some big trouble would always be set before us.

Now, I faced my hardest quest yet: Moving on.

How does one go about doing that? Having the other piece of your soul ripped away from you isn't something I would wish on anyone. No amount of physical or emotional or mental pain can ever be compared to it. Once the initial shock wears off, you go throw the phases of grief, only tenfold.

Denial and Isolation: Once we returned home, I locked myself away in my apartment for weeks. I refused to believe that he was really gone. It was just like before when he went to the past to learn his name. He would come back…After all…he still had my cartouche.

Anger: Once I realized he wasn't coming back, I began to hate him. Why would he come into my life if he was just going to leave? Why bother saving me countless times if he was just going to rip my heart out, crush it, and hand it back to me? He should have just stayed dead in his tomb, in his big fancy pyramid in Egypt. He should have never possessed Yuugi's puzzle. Just because he had to have his life end terribly, didn't mean he had to ruin life for the rest of humanity.

Bargaining: The anger slowly went away. I could never stay mad at him. In fact, I could never remember a time that I had been mad at him. I had always loved him. But…what if we had found another option to his leaving? Could he have stayed if we had tried harder to find another option? What if we had found him another body? One of his own. If he had had his own body, then surely he could have stayed. Surely the ancient Egyptian Gods could have allowed him that. They had taken so much from him. Why not allow him some temporary peace here, now?

Depression: I haven't moved from this stage. He's gone. What do I have to live for? My dancing? No. It reminds me of him. My friends? They've moved on. I'm stuck in my own personal hell. I have no where to run. I have no where to hide. He's everywhere I turn. Every time I see or hear about anything Duel Monsters, I shut down. How can they keep playing that damn game when the King of Games was gone? What was the point? What was the point to anything?

Acceptance: I will never accept that he is gone. Never. There has to be a way to bring him back. However, I do accept that my cartouche is gone. At least now he will always know his name…and maybe think of me…

Sometimes…I just want to shout to the world how much I love and miss him. How much I _need _him. It's true you never really realize how much you love a person until they are gone. I knew I loved him while he was here, but it's…different now, knowing that I will never see him smirk or hear his deep, sensual voice again hurts.

Or look deeply into his crimson eyes. Eyes that allowed you to see into his soul, into his very being. Eyes that rarely showed emotions other than determination or anger. However, when you were lucky enough to witness any other emotion from them, you went weak in the knees.

I sometimes wonder what our lives could have been like if he had been able to stay. I dream that he stayed in his own body and we all came back to Domino City and life went on normally –except without an end of the world crisis every other day. I would like to believe that we would have gotten married and started a family. Though, it was sometimes hard to image the Pharaoh being a father, I knew he could do it. If he was able to rule over Egypt at such a young age, then surely he could dote on a daughter or teach a son to play Duel Monsters.

I'll admit that something I think about a lot is what kissing him would have been like. I blush just thinking about it. But…it's something that I'll never know, and desperately want to know about. Would he kiss as passionately as he played card games or would he be gentle and slow, wanting the moment to last forever?

I touch my lips. They feel cold. Like the rest of me. It's like, when he left, he took my warmth with him. I could probably touch a flickering candle flame and not feel any warmth or pain. I feel nothing.

I am nothing without him.

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><p>Fin. Review!<p>

~Azarath101


	2. Atem

I decided to make this a two-shot. Again, I own nothing.

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><p><em><strong>Atem<strong>_

When I lost the Ceremonial Battle, I had actually been shocked. I had never actually thought that Yuugi would have defeated me. I had thought that I would stay in the present.

I had been wrong. I should not have thought so slowly of my aibou, but we both knew I was the better duelist. I would stop at nothing to win a duel. (Something that Anzu and Yuugi had been teaching and helping me not to do.) However, Yuugi had somehow surpassed me, something I had always knew would happen, but I had thought it would be much later in his life.

I did not really wish to go. My quests had been completed and I knew my name again. It was time for me to return to the Afterlife. It was something I should have been overjoyed about, but I was not. I put on a brave face and said my farewells. I needed to leave; my extra time on Earth had been expired.

I know that Anzu wanted to stop me. I am secretly glad that Jonouchi stopped her, though. If she had reached out and grabbed my shoulder and I had turned to look into her glorious azure eyes, I would have stayed. I would have told them that now that I had my own body, it was my own to do with as I pleased.

However, I needed to leave. I could not endanger Yuugi, Anzu, and the others anymore. I tried to push it out of my mind that I had saved them all, because after all, I had caused their distresses. Yes of course there had been times where it had not been my fault. Such as when that lowly criminal had slapped my precious Anzu.

Still, I put on a brave face and left the world of the living. I had thought that seeing Seto, Teana, Mana, and the others would have made up for leaving my present friends behind, but I was wrong. Seeing Teana only made me yearn for Anzu more. And seeing Seto made me long to play Duel Monsters again.

I tell myself everyday that it is better this way. Yuugi and Anzu would find comfort in each other. Jonouchi and Honda each had their own lives to return to. It would be like before I entered their lives.

When Yuugi first awoke me, I knew he had feelings for Anzu. Those feelings had soon become my own after spending so much time inside Yuugi's mind. I made sure to not share my feelings with either of them as Yuugi had, as they say, "seen her first." I even tried to give Yuugi advice as to how to make Anzu love him.

Those feelings had always been there, inside us both. They had been our constant companions. I had never expected Yuugi to ever find someone else. However, when he met Rebecca, his feelings for Anzu slowly died down to friendship. I just hope that Yuugi remembers the love he felt for Anzu so that she can find some comfort from him.

If I could not have Anzu, then I would want her to be with Yuugi. If I had never been awoken, then Anzu and Yuugi would have ended up together. It would have been the natural course of their lives. However, I had altered their paths. I just pray that it can be repaired.

Anzu was unlike any girl -woman, really- I had ever known. Teana was not even like her. And I was certain that if I had lived long enough, I would have taken Teana as my bride. If we had all lived normal lives, then, I was certain, Teana and I would have been together, while our futuristic alters, Yuugi and Anzu, would have. We each had a soul mate. Though, what if the gods of time had made an error? Was it possible that I had not completed _all _of my missions? That I was supposed to tell Anzu how much I loved her? Impossible. It had been hard enough leaving without telling her. Telling her would have made matters worse.

Though, try as I might, I could not stop thinking about Anzu. I now had all the time in the world to do as I pleased, and I spent it thinking about her. The way she looked so passionate while her lithe body twirled, performing dance moves she alone knew. The way her eyes would lite up when she saw Yuugi or me. Her soft and supple lips that I longed to press against my own…

I needed to stop thinking about her. It was truly better this way. She was alive and surely she was happy. I did not belong in her time and she did not belong in the Afterlife with me. We were never meant to be.

And all I had to remember her by was the simple cartouche she gave me. She wanted me to have a way to remember my name no matter where or when I was. Though…it only allowed me to remember one name: Mazaki Anzu. It did little to be able to remember one's name when the one you loved was not there to share it with.

And I wanted to share everything with my precious Anzu. I wanted to not only share my name, but my life with her. I wanted to be with her forever and always. I wanted to claim her as my own. If we had lived in ancient Egypt, I would have made it so no other man could touch her. I wanted to be the only man who could cherish her. Though, that was partially why I never I told her my feelings. Because it would not have been me holding, kissing, and loving her; it would have been Yuugi. And that was too much to bear knowing I would never be able to _really _feel her soft lips or hands as they caressed my shared body. Why should I torture either of us?

Tormenting her was not something I wanted to do. I had hoped that my quick departure had been a clean break. Surely she would have only cried a little and moved on with her life, presumably with Yuugi. I made sure to leave nothing behind. Other than Yuugi's winnings of duels, there was no proof that I had ever been there. For all I knew, they had all woken up the next day pretending that everything had been a bad dream. I hoped they had done that.

When I thought of Anzu being in pain, I felt a deep, sharp pain in my chest where my heart would be. It literally hurt me to think of her being hurt. Anzu deserved so much in life and pain was not one of them. I longed to hold her in my own arms and murmur sweet nothings in her ear. To tell her that everything would be alright. Though, I knew that for me nothing would ever be alright again.

Because I had to wait at least sixty or eighty years to ever see her again. Sixty or eighty years were a long time. Enough time for her to have moved on. Enough time for her to forget about me. Enough time for me to be driven mad by not seeing her azure eyes that were like windows to her light and pure soul.

However, when those sixty or eighty years were over, I would hold her in my own arms and tell her how much I loved her. How much I needed her. Because we were soul mates.

Anzu, my precious apricot, I love and need you more than life itself.

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><p>I think this really is the end now. Lol. Review!<p>

~Azarath101


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